Help!

Help!
Ok, as I may have mentioned here and there, I really want to go back to grad school. I eventually want to become a history professor, for which I need my PhD, so I figured my masters will be the first step. Anyway, I'm applying to Kent State, here in Ohio and am trying to write my essay of Statement of Goals. This is what I've come up with. I would really really really apprecaite ANY comments about it. Good, bad, things that don't sound quite right, things that should be changed, whatever. I want this to be as good as it can possibly be, but I hate writing these types of essays. So again, feed back would be great! Thanks! Statement of Goals and Objectives "Not to transmit an experience is to betray it." –Elie Wiesel When I was in fifth grade, I heard someone talk of the book Night, by Elie Wiesel. I had already discovered an intense interest in the Holocaust and was determined to read as much as I could about this tragedy and ultimate failure of humanity. Since our elementary school library did not contain this book and my teachers told me I was too young to read it, I saved up my allowance and bought the book myself. That concise, poignant portrait of a peoples’ suffering spurred me to further research. By the time I began high school, I had an impressive collection of books and a deep, profound admiration and respect for the man who inspired me to learn. It was during this time that I decided I would become a historian. As I grew older, I considered other professions and careers. When I chose history as one of my majors in college, some questioned the value of such a degree. Surely one cannot make much money in the subject. When I decided I wanted to be a professor of history, the question was resurrected. I pity those critics. They cannot understand the importance of remembering, of passing on both our glories and our tragedies and that such a task is far more valuable than any monetary value one could place on it. My goal is to attend Kent State and pursue my master’s degree in history. From there, I will go on to attain my Ph.D. so that afterwards, I can impart on future students the same love of learning and the importance of remembering that both my professors and the authors of so many books have imparted on me.

I think this sounds pretty good.

I think it's fine! :wink:

It looks good to me. Don't worry too much Cloud, You'll go far in life. BELIEVE in yourself, I do! :)

Re: Help!
Statement of Goals and Objectives "Not to transmit an experience is to betray it." –Elie Wiesel When I was in fifth grade, I heard someone talk of the book Night, by Elie Wiesel. I had already discovered an intense interest in the Holocaust and was determined to read as much as I could about this tragedy and ultimate failure of humanity. Since our elementary school library did not contain this book and my teachers told me I was too young to read it, I saved up my allowance and bought the book myself. That concise, poignant portrait of a peoples’ suffering spurred me to further research (only about the Holocaust? or other historical subjects too?). By the time I began high school, I had an impressive collection of books and a deep, profound admiration and respect for the man who inspired me to learn. It was during this time that I decided I would become a historian (What were your motives to come to this specific decicion?). As I grew older, I considered other professions and careers. When I chose history as one of my majors in college, some questioned the value of such a degree. Surely one cannot make much money in the subject. When I decided I wanted to be a professor of history, the question was resurrected. I pity those critics. They cannot understand the importance of remembering, of passing on both our glories and our tragedies and that such a task is far more valuable than any monetary value one could place on it (how do you know this to be the truth... how do you know what has more value in life? Isn't this just a personal view? So how can you pity those critics, their opinion have as much worth as your opinion) . My goal is to attend Kent State and pursue my master’s degree in history. From there, I will go on to attain my Ph.D. so that afterwards, I can (try my best) impart on future students the same love of learning and the importance of remembering that both my professors and the authors of so many books have imparted on me. Hello PickOutYourCloud, i was so freely to take a closer look at your paper. I am not from the States, so i don't know exactely to what standards this paper has to stand... i do know something about logical and critical thinking though (I have my MSc in Psychology). If I were you, i would try to make my paper stand out! So maybe have a more critical look about the things you say. I think people should always try to look to the two (or more) sides to every story. Be critical about what you KNOW to be a fact, don't put it as a true fact if it is only your opinion... It's hard having to write all this, instead of discussing it face to face (and in a language that is not my own :( ) I hope you understand what i mean, and that you won't be offended by my words! Love, Elfje

I think it is good -the opening with a quote usually peaks the reader's curiousity. Plus it being an author who writes mainly about the Holcaust introduces the reader to the possibility of the topic you are going to speak about. Even though it's about why you want to pursue a higher education your interest was peaked by Night. And also, just a little cosmetic change, underline the name of the story. Your ending is strong at the end and to reiterate your interest I would mention the focus of attaining a higher education is vital in your being able to get a PhD. Once you are done with your MA you can begin as a Staff member at a college teaching a course or two. I was an English major during my undergrad and a Shakespeare major during my grad, so it's key to let them know what your specific concentration is going to be? Is it the Holocaust? WW2? Attempted genocides in history? Hope my 2 cents helps a bit :-)

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