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toriamos >>Creative Corner >>Memories


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SteelLily- 09-04-2005
Memories
I just wrote this about an hour ago and I think she needs some help. So please, offer whatever suggestions you can. :? Memories With dirt smeared On a rosy cheek Lines of water Paint a frame On her face Joining the internal To the outward A baseball glove On one hand Ball cast aside Under the branches Of the mimosa tree The not so perfect French-braided hair Cascades loose In thick brown waves Eyes, green like the leaves Unseeing to truth She begs the sky to swallow Her tender 12 year old body Save her from the storm Of one parent's hatred for the other An innocent in the crosshair Of his bitter vengence

PickOutYourCloud- 09-04-2005

I personally like it the way it is. Kind of reminds me of Rose, if the child had been a girl. Really good though, per usual. You have such a good way with words.

OnMyWayToIreland- 09-05-2005

I like how it flows. Nice.

SteelLily- 09-05-2005

thanks guys.

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